Please Standby

Strongly suggested music accompaniment for this post: Glad Tidings by Van Morrison

Perhaps the stereotype of a New Yorker is a rude, impatient, guy yelling at you in a thick New York accent to hurry up and pay for your pizza. Matt has random people on the street call him an asshole on an almost daily basis - he's a dog walker, and can often be seen chasing Brooke Shields's dog through the West Village. To be fair, he has a lot more opportunities to be called an asshole than I do on my daily two-block commute to work, but my experience has largely been the opposite, specifically when it comes to patience.

The Waiting

I suppose there are different practical definitions of being patient (waiting for a train vs. walking behind someone moving too slow vs. hurry the fuck up and buy your metro card already), but New Yorkers are some of the most patient people I have ever met. Here, a 45 minute commute is considered reasonable, and some regularly commute over an hour. Maybe I'm just not a real New Yorker, but that's absurd and I don't know how you people do it. Even more, they take it in stride. People here pride themselves on devising the most efficient plans to get home on public transportation, and they love giving directions. Seriously, if you're ever in New York, don't be afraid to ask someone for directions. It might be the best part of their day.

I take pride in not spending all my time commuting, but I do still find that waiting is a much more common part of life out here than it was back in Boise. Here are some things I've waited on lately:

The Bus

Not a city bus, but when you live in the city and don't have a car, sometimes a Greyhound is your way out of town.

Matt, Erika, and I went to Scranton, PA for Thanksgiving. On the way there, we were stuck in construction traffic... because apparently New Jersey sees no reason to have their infrastructure operating at full capacity during Thanksgiving week. On the way back, the bus which was supposed to pick us up got a flat tire and required a replacement bus... because apparently once a tire blows, the entire bus is unsalvageable.

As a side note, the system of bus boarding in Scranton operates as follows:

1. No displays or announcements are provided.
2. Customers go up to the customer service representatives to inquire about bus status.
3. Customers are ridiculed for not already possessing this information.
4. Ambiguous bus arrives.
5. All customers line up for that bus and, one at a time, ask the driver where he or she is going.
6. If the destination is equal to the customer's desired destination, they board.
7. Else, the customer returns to the waiting area and awaits step 4 again.

I fear this may surprise no one who has ever been to Scranton.

The DMV

After living here for four months, it was finally time to get a NY license. The DMV roughly follows this system:

1. Make a "reservation"
2. Get a number
3. Go to a counter
4. Fill out an application at a different counter
5. Go back to the original counter to get another number.
6. Wait for number to be called, then go to a third counter.
7. Show your application, license, passport, and social security card to have a photo taken.
8. Wait for your number to be called again.
9. Go to a fourth counter, show the same documents, and pay for a piece of paper which says your license will be mailed in two weeks.
10. ... wait two weeks, then receive license.

At least I didn't have to go to the pooo counter.

The LIRR (Long Island Rail Road)

I think I always romanticized the Long Island Rail a little bit because of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Turns out, it's less Kate Winslet, and more waiting.

I rode it for the first time on Sunday to go flying at Republic Airport on Long Island, but it only runs once every hour, so I found myself waiting with several homeless people in the "historic" Farmindale train station on my way back. Luckily the train ride itself went by fast because I was talking with a young couple who were Columbia Med-students and had actually been out there to go flying as well (there was some Groupon deal for introductory flights). Like a true creep, I even have a picture of them:

I really was just trying to get a picture of the inside of the waiting room without any of the homeless or sleeping people in the shot... I didn't realize I would end up having a conversation with them... although, the reason I struck up a conversation was because I overheard them talking from across the room, so....

The LIRR (again)

I went flying again Wednesday morning because I thought, "sure, I can go flying and still get to work early enough to call it a full-day..."

06:30 Wake up (flying is the only activity which would motivate me to get up this early)
07:00 Head to Penn Station
07:20 Arrive at Penn Station
07:40 Depart on LIRR
08:50 Arrive at Farmingdale
08:55 Arrive at Airport

The flight was bumpy and and little stressful, but cool in the sense that I got to fly right over Kennedy International on our way to Trenton, NJ, where we had a big crosswind landing.

12:20 Call for a cab back to the train station.
12:40 Arrive at the train station in time to miss the 12:39 train by literally one minute.

13:40 Head back to the city, only to discover I've lost my train ticket.
13:50 Very nice conductor takes pity on me and lets me ride without a ticket.
14:30 Arrive at Penn Station and took a camera lens in for repair nearby.
15:15 Arrive at Work

Ugh, you people don't use 24-hour time?

Theatre Gods

When Liz and I saw Waiting for Godot and No Man's Land, we didn't stay after the show to get our Playbill's signed. So we waited for the weather to get really cold, then went back to the theatre so we could experience the sidewalk without having to be distracted by feeling in our extremities.

We waited for probably about an hour before Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, and Orlando Bloom came out the door (Orlando wasn't in the play, he was just visiting Gandalf). Ian went and talked with his driver while smoking a cigarette before coming over to sign autographs. I got to have a brief conversation with both Ian and Patrick which went something like this:

Ian: What did you think of the performance?
Me: [realizing I didn't actually see the play tonight, but would be awkward to say so] It was fantastic. I'm really happy you guys decided to perform these in the US instead of just London.
Ian: ... there are people in New York who appreciate theatre too, I suppose.
Me: ... yeah.
Another Fan: Thank you for all you’ve done and your support for the gay rights movement.
Ian: ... [long pause and blank stare] ... alright.

Me: Seeing you on stage is so different from seeing you on TV or film...
Patrick: Why would that be?
Me: You just have an amazing presence on stage.
Patrick: Of course, we're there... we're there.

No seriously, you need to imagine Patrick Stewart  just cutting you off and, in that amazing commanding voice, essentially saying "look Star Trek fan, you need to get out more," because I think that's what happened. But anyway, here's what Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, and Billy Crudup's autographs look like:

The End

I hope you made the observation that this post wasn't really a list of complaints, but more a list of accomplishments or an observation that there are many things I get to do out here... and also a list of complaints. Sarah said I kind of want to kill you right now when I texted her the image of the signed Playbill. So perhaps it's all worth it in the end. Don't click on that link. It won't make you happy.

Picard and Gandalf in Infinite Loop

While we waited for Godot, Captain Jean-Luc Picard (notable for commanding U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D) and Gandalf (best remembered for leading the Jews out of Egypt) performed a staged version of Groundhog Day for family and friends. Seeing as Godot never arrived, despite his multiple promises, I suppose it was just as well. However, since it turns out I'm not writing an article for The Onion, here's what really happened:

[Professor Plum with the rope in the Ballroom]

Last night I learned that a perk of being friends with Theatre people is that you might occasionally get invited to an invitation-only performance of something you actually want to see. In this case, the dress-rehearsal of Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett, starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen, who were periodically interrupted by other actors passing through the set. To be fair, the others were very very good, they just weren't British knights, you might say. Stewart and McKellen staged the same production at a West End theatre in London back in 2009, so clearly it's a love project for these two men in their early to mid-70's, and it shows.

via Ian McKellen's Twitter

My Review

I don't really want to write a review of the play; there will no doubt be plenty of reviews by the time it opens. I enjoyed it very much, thought it had interesting commentary on our relationship with time, and would recommend it to almost anyone, but I'd rather write about the experience.

My Experience

This was only the second Broadway show I'd ever been to. The first was Les Misérables in 2000, which, my god, was amazing and made the 14 year-old Bret realize not all theatre was as terrible as The King and I or A Christmas Carol (apologies if you hold those in high regard as great theatre, and please don't invite me to your favorite Sarah Ruhl play either). I actually asked my dad and Jill if they would just let me stay home alone, to do nothing, instead of going to Les Misérables, but they insisted it would be good for me to experience "culture" or something.

We sat on the balcony level and the 1417 seat Imperial Theatre actually felt small to me, but perhaps that is a reflection of how unsuited the previous venues I had attended were for live theatre. I only specifically remember a few numbers such as Castle on a Cloud, Master of the House, and Do You Hear the People Sing, but it's more about the feeling I came away with, and how it made me more receptive to theatre in general.

Waiting for Godot and Les Misérables are as dissimilar as me and my 14 year old self. I have seen quite a bit of theatre in the last 13 years, but most of it has been either college, or very far off Broadway professional productions. Last night, when Sir Ian McKellen literally climbed on stage, it was magical. He legitimately could have been mistaken as a homeless man on the street, but it was the way he moved that really catches your eye. "Oh, this is what real acting is like," I thought to myself. I kept trying to imagine someone else playing his role, but all I could imagine was a caricature of the part. "You can't help but watch him" seemed to be the general consensus of everyone.

Sir Patrick Stewart is a commanding presence, which I guess ins't surprising considering his history of playing Shakespearean kings. He draws your attention more with his delivery than his physical movements. I will say, I never thought about Captain Picard during his performance, and coming from me, that's a huge compliment. I mean, come on, Star Trek is unquestionably the reason I wanted to see it.

I would be interested in hearing thoughts about the performance from my actor friends, but in much the same way that Les Mis helped me appreciate theatre in general, I might say Waiting for Godot helped me appreciate stage acting. Seeing two masters of their profession interact and perform is refreshing and heart-warming. With their final bow, a little dance, and tip of the hat, perhaps they were cluing the audience in that it's just as magical for them as it is for us.

Post Waiting [for Godot]

Liz and I met up with some friends at a bar afterwards. One person seemed distraught at my suggestion that she should drink something she likes instead of basing her decision on popular opinion, but it was an otherwise normal evening.

More Waiting

I'm convinced the A train knows when I'm waiting for it, and hates me. I'm also starting to suspect hope the subway is run by Ommpa Loompas who use tiny doors to move around and terrorize children. Liz didn't want to, but I made her go stand in front of a door for scale reference.

We came back, bought a frozen pizza on the way to my apartment, and watched Frasier while it cooked. So... after you've waited about 25 minutes for an oven to pre-heat and cook a pizza, pretty much the most disappointing thing you can do is then accidentally flip that pizza over and drop it on the bottom of the oven, and find when you're able to get the pizza flipped back over, all of the cheese, sauce, and pepperonis have detached themselves from the crust, and found a new home in the crack between the oven door.

I mean, we tried to eat it pretending it was a big round breadstick, but it just wasn't very satisfying. So, pizza bites to the rescue!

Unfortunately, patience was running thin, so we microwaved them instead of cleaning and reusing the oven. Microwaved pizza bites just won't make you feel better about life very often. On the other hand, they are technically food, and they will help you acknowledge that it is, indeed, time to cut your losses and go to bed.

Stack Exchange or: How I learned to love Q&A and stop visiting Yahoo Answers.

(Part I)

I've been thinking about starting a separate blog which would be more technical and software-related in nature, but for now, I wanted to explain to my non-software friends (who often ask about my work and whether Stack Exchange is a typo) why Stack Exchange and Stack Overflow are important to people like me, and might even be useful to you, too.

My typical I-don't-know-how-to-describe-this-but-I'll-try-to-sum-it-up-in-a-way-that's-short-and-understandable-yet-without-any-context-which-would-have-been-useful-in-giving-you-a-sense-of-the-company description goes like this: "They run a bunch of Q&A sites on the internet and a job board for tech jobs - primarily software development jobs."  While that isn't dishonest, it doesn't answer how it's different from Yahoo Answers, how our job board is different from any other job board ever, or why it would be such a great place to work. So let's start with the first, and most important, question in this edition of The Spolsky [coding] Horror Picture Show - Part I.

How is it different from Yahoo Answers?

If I ever invite you to Stack Exchange headquarters, seriously, don't ask this question. The one time I've seen it asked, our HR manager threatened to kick him out of the building, followed by everyone walking away from the table.

When I started writing this (a couple weeks ago), the most recent question on Yahoo Answers was Where can I get marijuana seeds in miami? followed by other gems such as:

• What would you name 4 girls using these initials?
• Why is music so emotive?
• I had a dream where I was a prostitute?
• Why is life so difficult?
• Do I look good with dyed black hair?
• Does anyone know any websites or books?

And those are just questions asked in the last 17 minutes.

The most recent question on stackoverflow.com is Cannot set socket to nonblocking ...okay, so that probably isn't a helpful comparison for non-programmers. Here are some recent questions on other Stack Exchange sites:

• Ask Different (Apple): How can I have multiple languages in my iPhone dictionary?
•   English Language & Usage: Mnemonic for “complement / compliment”
• Home Improvement: Should a skirt board on a stair case be installed over the treads?
• Bicycles: How long should pedals last?

Alright, so maybe you're thinking our sites kind of look like Yahoo Answers-style sites without the terrible questions and generally devoid of internet trolls, but why? I could go on about how our unofficial mission is to improve the quality of information of the internet, but here's the simple answer from my personal perspective:

We let the community of each site build and moderate itself.

... and if the community can't do either, or both, we shut it down.

Area 51 (alien site[ings] are neither confirmed nor denied)

A site begins its life as an Area 51 proposal where someone suggests an idea. Let's just pretend for a moment that I had an interest in aviation, and I think the world would benefit from a Stack Exchange site for flying. So I propose an "Aviation and Aerospace" site and I start telling my pilot friends about it. They follow my proposal and add "sample questions" which they think would be a good fit for this site. The sample questions are important because they help define what would be on-topic for the site. Everyone can vote on questions they like best and when 40 questions have at least 10 up-votes, the proposal is considered "defined."

Next, people are asked to commit to the proposal. While waiting for at least 200 people to commit, there is some final discussion during this phase where, for example, someone might point out that the scope of the sample questions relates very little to the aerospace industry, and perhaps a better name for the site would simply be "Aviation." The general idea is that we don't want to launch a site until we understand what it's going to be about, and know there are going to be people using it.

If my aviation proposal makes it through the commitment phase, we will launch aviation.stackexchange.com on a probationary basis (the beta phase). This gives us a chance to see whether or not the site works in reality. If very few people ask questions, or questions go unanswered, we shut it down. If the questions or answers are of low quality (in other words, it doesn't look like the site is going to improve the quality of knowledge on the internet) we shut it down. However, if the community is successful, we promote it to a new permanent site.

Quick side note: What do we mean by quality questions? Here's how one of our other developers put it:

SE Q's are different because they are objective (answerable) and show attempts to answer before asking
— Nick Larsen (@fody) October 19, 2013

Now, if I really wanted to be a moderator on my new aviation site, I could come up with a platform (explanation of how I would moderate and handle conflicts) and have people vote for me. We let sites elect their own moderators because it puts the responsibility for maintaining good content in the hands of the passionate individuals who are knowledgeable in the subject area. It would be cost-prohibitive for us to pay employees to do all the moderation work, and why would we when the community actually does a better job anyway?

Of course, there's even more to it; reputation, badges, meta sites, Creative Commons License (like Wikipedia, users can edit other users questions and answers), chat, etc, but I think you get the gist. If you're interested in knowing more about how it works, read our about page or the Area 51 FAQ. And, even better, if we have a community based around a subject which interests you, join the community! If we don't, consider advocating for a new Stack Exchange site. Right now I'm part of the Aviation site proposal (Surprising, I know... sadly, I'm not actually the one who proposed it, though).

Stack Exchange: Rendezvous at Big Gulch will return in Part II: The Sequel.

First Dozen Observations

Well, here I am - a squatter in my best friend's Brooklyn apartment, feeling like a real New Yorker. And as a New Yorker for an entire 25 days, I believe I'm supposed to have observations to share with the world. Well, you'll be so excited to hear that I indeed have made a list of observations for you to consume! Here they are:

1. Grocery shopping is hard.

On my first attempt to buy some basic grocery items, I didn't bring a tote bag with me, so I just used the plastic bags at the store. I made it about 20 feet out the door when the bag in my right hand ripped open dropping several items onto the busy Brooklyn sidewalk. I reach down to pick them up when the bag in my left hand decides to follow suit, sending a bottle of conditioner rolling towards the street. Sometimes you just need to take a moment and laugh at how ridiculous you look in certain moments. I decided to put what I could in my pockets, hold the conditioner in my left hand, and attempt to carry the remaining items in the torn bags by holding them by the bottom. For some reason I decided that was my best option, rather than admitting defeat and going back to ask for more bags. Miraculously, that worked. Seriously, I don't know how. I was gradually losing grip on the bags and I think if I had had another block to go, I wouldn't have made it. So, double bag, or bring your own out here.

On the plus side, I came back and played with a cat and watched Cheers the rest of the day.

2. It is possible to get a girl's phone number.

After my first day of work, Matt and I went to what is apparently an oddly placed tourist trap in The Village called Jekyll and Hyde. Every so often, a pre-programmed "special effects" show consisting of lighting, animatronics, and a sound system with a bad connection would engage. There was also an area where you could pay $2 to be harassed by an "actor." After bonding with the bar tender about how shitty the bar is, we went next door to an Italian place with rooftop seating and $5 mojitos and margaritas. Unfortunately the roof was full, so we sat at the bar waiting for a table. Fortunately, the bar tender was cute and fun to talk to. We'll call her Amy. She was from North Carolina, but wants to move to China to teach English, followed by an isolated village in Alaska... because she likes extremes, and might be a little bit crazy. The host informed us there were tables available, but seemed to understand we we're going to be moving from the bar. For some reason, her bar closes at 11, so she gave me her phone number and we met up for another drink in SoHo after her shift ended. During this time I started to get the sense we might not actually be compatible. See, she was a communist, and I'm a libertarian. She was kind of a hippie, and I have an a job in a high-rise office building in the financial district. I just moved to New York; she hates it here. About 3/4 of the way through finishing our drinks, she said "let's go" then immediately got up and left. Outside, Amy proclaimed "I can't stand to be in a place with air conditioning." Again, might be a little crazy. We walked to the subway station where we talked for another twenty minutes or so before saying our goodbyes. I don't think we'll see each other again for a number of reasons, but it was a fun night, and a nice confidence boost for life in my new city.

3. My office building has a great view.

4. My apartment does not.

Brooklyn's not so exciting, though I'm only here for another month, then I'll have a place in Manhattan.

5. My job is pretty great.

I have a hexagon office.

And a desk which goes up and down for both sitting or standing positions.

And free lunch.

And Ping Pong.

And a lounge.

And I've gotten about a week's worth of t-shirts, two hoodies, a jacket, a polo shirt, pens, etc with company logos on them. And we get free metro cards, and we work flexible hours, and they paid my relocation expenses, and they have great general benefits.

Perhaps even better: I'm working on a product I believe in.

6. What I drink hasn't changed; what I pay for it has.

7. Having someone else do three weeks worth of laundry costs $14, and is well worth it.

8. Don't fall for the "healthy" all-natural cereal.

Seriously, I know you're looking at this box thinking, "wow, that looks delicious. I want some of that." It's a trap. You will be so disappointed, and wish you had a box of Captain Crunch instead.

9. This is what I would look like if I had glasses, and a cat.

10. You're not a real Star Trek fan unless this is what you find when cleaning.

11. Leaving my house was hard

Apparently five years is long enough to get emotionally attached to a building and some rooms. It started to feel real the day before when I was taking everything off the walls and patching and painting over the holes. All of the posters and pictures which had made my house feel so comfortable, and noticeably mine, were gone. The next day, so was I. Before I left, I took some pictures to remind me of the state in which I left it forever (a mess).

Last week my mom sold my truck.

And on Friday, the movers came, packed my stuff and took it away.

So that's it. The Boise Chapter of my life is officially closed.

12. I feel like I belong here.

The question of "how are you?" has always been difficult for me, and my typical response is as short and thoughtless as the question itself. The best thing I can say about my life in New York, so far, is that I feel like I'm doing something again. I am hanging out with people. I'm making money. I'm even spending a little time on a side project. I like my life here. I think I'll like it even more when I have a place of my own.

Thanks for reading. The next post will probably be more of a story than a list, but a list seemed appropriate for this post. Lastly, it seems only fitting to leave you with some photos of the journey itself...

Boise

Chicago

New York