Saturday, May 10, 2014

Story... like a Scar

I finally went to my first concert since moving to New York, and Liz, at 24 years old, went to her first concert ever. The last show I saw before leaving Boise was Jimmy Eat World (for the ninth time) at The Knitting Factory. My first show in New York was Matt Pryor (for the sixth time) at The Knitting Factory. Clearly my life has changed a lot in the big city.

Matt Pryor was the front man of The Get Up Kids, and The New Amsterdams, but now primarily considers himself a solo artist billing under his own name. I've seen four New Ams shows, and one Get Up Kids show, but last night it was just him, an acoustic guitar, and the occasional accompaniment by members of the opening acts.

I bought a vinyl copy of Matt's May Day album and talked with him briefly before heading out of the venue when Liz asks me, "did you get him to sign it?" Shit, why didn't I ask him to sign it? Running back in for an autograph while ripping the shrink wrap off the album, I realized this was also a chance for me to re-emphasize how much I loved one New Amsterdams album in particular, Story Like a Scar. As a senior in college, somehow that album meant everything to me. The other bands I loved around that time all seemed to be producing terrible albums and I was coming to the tragic conclusion that all bands get worse with age. Even the previous New Amsterdams album wasn't great, and I was about ready to give up on everyone.

Then, all of a sudden, there was this album. A band I had loved for years was able to release music which was not just new, and not just good, but the best music they had ever released. I listened to the album every day for weeks, and the next time I saw the New Amsterdams play, I went up to Matt at the bar and told him "love the new album!" I was really glad I did because a few days later I came across a blog post he had written saying the tour they just got off of was kind of depressing since no one even seemed to realize there was a new album.

Maybe I'm in the minority of people who felt so strongly, but if someone occasionally comes up to Matt after a show and says, "Story Like a Scar is one of my favorite albums of all time" then I hope he senses that it didn't go unnoticed after all.

Oh wait...


I woke up this morning afternoon realizing there was one small problem with what I told Mr. Pryor the night before: the name of the album isn't Story Like a Scar, it's called At the Foot of My Rival. Story Like a Scar is the name of the previous album which I didn't like so much. Fuck.

To be fair, At the Foot of My Rival has a song titled "Story Like a Scar" which makes it very confusing. Maybe the fact that I said, "I like that the New Amsterdams went out on such a high note" clued him in on the fact that I got the album names confused, or perhaps I simply reaffirmed that, seven years later, people are still unaware of the final New Ams album. Though, if he did realize I got the albums confused, maybe he took it to mean I've never heard what was technically their final album Outroduction. So, yeah... way to go, me.

As I've gotten older I've grown to appreciate Story Like a Scar much more than when it came out (I'm even listening to it while I type this), but I don't have the same connection to it. Sadly, he didn't play any songs from either last night. In fact, in trying to remember the set list, I can only recall three New Ams songs total out of their seven albums.

It probably shouldn't be surprising that he played four songs off the Get Up Kids' Something to Write Home About. They were the obvious crowd pleasers, and I don't begrudge that. I asked Matt if he ever still plays live with the New Ams band members and he told me, "yeah, we did a special show recently with an orchestra." WHAT?! In 2009, when The Get Up Kids reunited and played their entire Something to Write Home About album live, I made a special trip back to Lawrence, Kansas to see it. I'm pretty sure I would have made a trip back to see the New Amsterdams with an orchestra had I known that was happening. Oh well.

It's probably too much to hope that the New Amsterdams would tour or make new music again, but the next best thing is getting see Matt play live, to hear some songs from his immense almost 20 year catalog, and to send him confusing mixed messages about which album I appreciate most. That's what I did last night, and it was a good night.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Stack Sessions: Volume One

It turns out that I have picked this exact Wednesday to "release" some videos which I am calling "Stack Sessions | Volume One" because coming up good names is hard.

When I moved to New York, I knew one of the downsides would be living in an apartment with neighbors who's lowbrow taste would be incapable of appreciating the talent in my 4AM tenor voice the way I can appreciate it. So I decided to solve mitigate this problem by paying outrageous amounts of money to live a five minute walk from work, and just keep my guitars there, where no one is around to complain on nights and weekends. Of course, there isn't any heat or air conditioning around on nights and weekends either. However, there is a digital thermometer placed in my office to mock me, so it's not all bad. Except during the summer when it is actually all bad, even during the day. Looks like we're bring Coolio back.

Meanwhile, some friends and some parents (specifically, my parents) have expressed that they would like to hear me play music, and I know the opportunity to do that rarely happens. So, I figured the next best thing would be to have a YouTube Party™ where I play songs for you and italicize random words.

I went into the office late Monday night and recorded a few songs as a proof of concept which I considered calling Stack Sessionsbeta, but decided to go ahead and skip the market research and testing phases and go straight to declaring Mission Accomplished!


So here they are, the first five videos in what will hopefully become a recurring tradition which, by the way, is not affiliated with, or endorsed by, Stack Exchange in any way. If the company were producing these videos, they would rank better in Google search results and solve your homework problems.

I'll try to have the next installment include more upbeat songs, and Matt Sherman has expressed interest in joining future Stack Sessions. If he does, the guitar playing in the videos will probably improve by about 800%. In the meantime, you're stuck with me.

Watch all five in a playlist, or individually below:

June Hymn (Decemberists cover)

Because it's almost summer (in relative terms) and I love this song.



Better as You Thought (original)

To my knowledge, the first song ever written at Stack Exchange, making it the most appropriate song to make the be on this list. A mixture of my past, present, truth, and embellishment.



Hughes (The New Amsterdams cover)

Love is a long shot. Love is a bird in hand.



Morning of My Life (Bee Gees cover)

When I was a little kid, I remember my dad singing this song to me at night in my bunk bed. If you listen to the lyrics you'll probably understand why. Might be an odd choice for this collection, but the song has special meaning to me.



Pure and Cold (original)

Because it's almost Christmas (not even close)! It seems like I almost never get to play this song because it has the words "Merry Christmas" in it, and apparently the first rule of Christmas is you don't sing about Christmas [between January and November]. Well, clearly it's April, so I have no further explanation.



Further Explanation


It seems like most people who write Christmas songs are either christian, or are very into the Christmas traditions. I am, of course, neither. I could try to explain what the song is about and why I wrote it now, over four years after I wrote it, but it turns out that a younger Bret already wrote a pretty good description. So, instead, I'm going to leave you with his words, not mine.
I don't typically explain a song in more than generalities and I'm not going to explain this song in-depth either, but I wanted to give a broad sense of why I wrote it and also help clear up how people might interpret the "to all unfaithful" line. 
I felt like a highly unlikely person to write a so-called Christmas song. I'm sure anyone who knows me would agree. I don't like traditional Christmas music and as I've gotten older I've cared less and less about Christmas as a whole. It just doesn't mean what it used to or have the same excitement attached to it as it did when I was younger. I think that would change again if I was a parent, but I'm not, nor do I plan to be anytime soon. 
So when I decided to write a Christmas song (a decision which came out of the feel of the music not the other way around) I approached it from the perspective of what Christmas has meant to me over the course of my life and how I see it now. Pure and cold but it melts inside - we're simple and innocent on the surface, but over time that disappears underneath because we're not simple or innocent. It's not a bad thing, it's called character. That child that loved Christmas is still there, but it's more of a memory than an outward display, and I think it's okay to have complex mixed thoughts. 
Christmas can be about Christ and God, about family, about presents, or anything else or even nothing. But I've started to realize that I don't really know what it means to me. When it comes to gifts, it's difficult for me to reconcile my desire to be independent and provide for myself while also accepting that people who love me want to do something for me. The chorus is a reflection of this, describing that "merry Christmas" to me is possibly just understanding that I am loved and being thankful even if I struggle to show it. 
I knew, especially coming from me, when I wrote the line "to all unfaithful" it would be misunderstood. Some people have already asked about it so I'll just try to explain it as best I can. I didn't mean unfaithful in a religious sense or in relationship sense, although it's not necessarily not those either. To me, "the unfaithful" is everyone in some form or another. Religions sometimes talk about the "sinful" which is supposed to be everyone. Unfaithful can mean skepticism or without hope. It can mean unfaithful to who we want to be (our goals/morals/promises). We're obviously not perfect and we seldom turn out the way we plan to be. Unfaithful is what you want it to mean, but I don't think a narrow interpretation is applicable within the context of the whole song. 
Thanks for listening anyone who read this. It may have been more about me than about the song, but while most of my songs are about a person or a few people and my relationship with them, this song is almost wholly introspective to begin with, so perhaps it was appropriate.
 - 23 year old Bret 
Today I turned 28. I wonder how much I have changed.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

I Have a Favorite Elevator

100% of the time1 I tell someone "I have a favorite elevator," their response indicates both surprise and disapproval. Yes, I recognize that your gut reaction is probably to question why I would put so much thought into vertical transportation equipment, but I would argue an elevator ride is actually the correct amount of time to contemplate about elevators.

The ones at my work have video displays run by the Captivate Network - a company which brags that their audience is made up of adult professionals who willingly trap themselves in a box where cell phones don't work multiple times each day. They have made a business out of betting that you'll have nothing better to do than watch their advertisements, celebrity gossip, and weather information during the ride. Ha! I believe they have underestimated how meta I am about my commute.

See, while I'm captive in the box which is decidedly not bigger on the inside, I wonder what the vertical acceleration rate is, whether it's the same in both directions, or if negative acceleration is slower because humans feel uneasy about the falling sensation. I wonder how much testing went into determining the optimum acceleration rates for balancing speed and passenger comfort. I think about how I would write software to control the elevators in my building, what types of sensors are required to arrive perfectly level with each floor, and whether the routing has been optimized for energy conservation or passenger waiting time. ARE THESE SERIOUSLY NOT QUESTIONS MOST PEOPLE ASK AND IF NOT WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE

Even though my walk home takes five minutes, I'm the type of person who doesn't get on an elevator if I have to pee because I expect  to be stuck for an hour, at minimum... and yes, I've been told I have "unreasonable" expectations. Recently, elevator #2 decided to stop on its way up to my tenth floor apartment. Not a graceful stop as if pausing to pick up more cheerful passengers, but more of a fuck you kind of stop where the cab simply discontinues all upward velocity. See, when you hit a button in cab #2, sure, it lights up, and it may even take your suggestion under consideration; however, at any given moment, it may decide it is no longer interested in your floor, and extinguish your precious button. Naturally, I then repressed the 10 button (that's probably supposed to be re-pressed) and it happily lit up all bright red and mocked me for about a minute while we sat quietly near the third floor.

In my free time spent waiting for elevators, I daydream about which terrifying scenario I would enjoy most. Recently, I think my favorite has been: door opens briefly revealing an elevator, followed by an immediate cable snap and the cab falling out of sight. Notice how, in this scenario, the order of events plays an important role in determining "enjoyment" versus "serious injury."

In 1945, a B-25 bomber2 crashed into the Empire State Building killing 14 people and burning a woman named Betty Lou Oliver. In an act of brilliance, the first responders sent her down to the ambulance via an "express" elevator, you might say. Immediately after the doors closed, she plunged a thousand feet to the basement transforming her from a burn victim into a more well-rounded victim. Though, her survival did earn her a Guinness World Record.

So... that would be an example of a non-enjoyable terrifying experience. Of course, even without the help of airplanes, elevator cables can and do break, but if it makes you feel any better about my safety, as a pilot, I'm way more likely to be involved in a plane crash!


Arriving at my destination floor, I have one last question: is it feasible to install an elevator where, by design, the down mode was simply freefall? If it were padded on all sides so you could just float around like the vomit comet, I would take that elevator EVERY SINGLE DAY. Although, I mean, Tower of Terror style would work too. See, I want elevators trips to be fun, while maintaining that hallmark "low risk of injury or death" quality, but besides that I'm not too picky... says the person who ranks elevators by how much or little they annoy him.

Conclusion [not found in evidence]


I have an active relationship with nine elevators - three in my apartment building, and six in my office building. Cab #17 at work is my favorite because its doors open noticeably faster than the others, and cab #21 is the worst3 because its doors open so slowly that I generally exit sideways to expedite the egress process.

See how simple and practical of an reason that is? It's almost as if I didn't even need to write this blog post.

"And then the ride ends and the doors open. Just as quickly as they began, all of my once-consuming thoughts about magic lifting devices cease... until next time, elevators! Until next time4. The End."

1 Based on a sample of one individual, white male between the ages of 25-34, political affiliation unknown.
2 B-25D's were built in Kansas City, Kansas, and I've been to Kansas.
3 Just because I didn't pick you, apartment elevator #2, doesn't mean I approve of your attitude.
4 Or until I write a blog about elevators. What the fuck was I thinking? This wasn't a good subject for a blog post. I swear it's not my fault. I've been stressed lately. I'm not getting enough sleep. The orange mints are delicious, but can't possibly be providing for all my dietary needs. This is what New York has done to me.