Friday, December 20, 2013

Please Standby

Strongly suggested music accompaniment for this post: Glad Tidings by Van Morrison

Perhaps the stereotype of a New Yorker is a rude, impatient, guy yelling at you in a thick New York accent to hurry up and pay for your pizza. Matt has random people on the street call him an asshole on an almost daily basis - he's a dog walker, and can often be seen chasing Brooke Shields's dog through the West Village. To be fair, he has a lot more opportunities to be called an asshole than I do on my daily two-block commute to work, but my experience has largely been the opposite, specifically when it comes to patience.

The Waiting


I suppose there are different practical definitions of being patient (waiting for a train vs. walking behind someone moving too slow vs. hurry the fuck up and buy your metro card already), but New Yorkers are some of the most patient people I have ever met. Here, a 45 minute commute is considered reasonable, and some regularly commute over an hour. Maybe I'm just not a real New Yorker, but that's absurd and I don't know how you people do it. Even more, they take it in stride. People here pride themselves on devising the most efficient plans to get home on public transportation, and they love giving directions. Seriously, if you're ever in New York, don't be afraid to ask someone for directions. It might be the best part of their day.

I take pride in not spending all my time commuting, but I do still find that waiting is a much more common part of life out here than it was back in Boise. Here are some things I've waited on lately:

The Bus


Not a city bus, but when you live in the city and don't have a car, sometimes a Greyhound is your way out of town.


Matt, Erika, and I went to Scranton, PA for Thanksgiving. On the way there, we were stuck in construction traffic... because apparently New Jersey sees no reason to have their infrastructure operating at full capacity during Thanksgiving week. On the way back, the bus which was supposed to pick us up got a flat tire and required a replacement bus... because apparently once a tire blows, the entire bus is unsalvageable.

As a side note, the system of bus boarding in Scranton operates as follows:
  1. No displays or announcements are provided.
  2. Customers go up to the customer service representatives to inquire about bus status.
  3. Customers are ridiculed for not already possessing this information.
  4. Ambiguous bus arrives.
  5. All customers line up for that bus and, one at a time, ask the driver where he or she is going.
  6. If the destination is equal to the customer's desired destination, they board.
  7. Else, the customer returns to the waiting area and awaits step 4 again.

I fear this may surprise no one who has ever been to Scranton.

The DMV


After living here for four months, it was finally time to get a NY license. The DMV roughly follows this system:
  1. Make a "reservation"
  2. Get a number
  3. Go to a counter
  4. Fill out an application at a different counter
  5. Go back to the original counter to get another number.
  6. Wait for number to be called, then go to a third counter.
  7. Show your application, license, passport, and social security card to have a photo taken.
  8. Wait for your number to be called again.
  9. Go to a fourth counter, show the same documents, and pay for a piece of paper which says your license will be mailed in two weeks.
  10. ... wait two weeks, then receive license.
At least I didn't have to go to the pooo counter.



The LIRR (Long Island Rail Road)


I think I always romanticized the Long Island Rail a little bit because of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Turns out, it's less Kate Winslet, and more waiting.

I rode it for the first time on Sunday to go flying at Republic Airport on Long Island, but it only runs once every hour, so I found myself waiting with several homeless people in the "historic" Farmindale train station on my way back. Luckily the train ride itself went by fast because I was talking with a young couple who were Columbia Med-students and had actually been out there to go flying as well (there was some Groupon deal for introductory flights). Like a true creep, I even have a picture of them:


I really was just trying to get a picture of the inside of the waiting room without any of the homeless or sleeping people in the shot... I didn't realize I would end up having a conversation with them... although, the reason I struck up a conversation was because I overheard them talking from across the room, so....

The LIRR (again)


I went flying again Wednesday morning because I thought, "sure, I can go flying and still get to work early enough to call it a full-day..."

06:30 Wake up (flying is the only activity which would motivate me to get up this early)
07:00 Head to Penn Station
07:20 Arrive at Penn Station
07:40 Depart on LIRR
08:50 Arrive at Farmingdale
08:55 Arrive at Airport

The flight was bumpy and and little stressful, but cool in the sense that I got to fly right over Kennedy International on our way to Trenton, NJ, where we had a big crosswind landing.

12:20 Call for a cab back to the train station.
12:40 Arrive at the train station in time to miss the 12:39 train by literally one minute.


13:40 Head back to the city, only to discover I've lost my train ticket.
13:50 Very nice conductor takes pity on me and lets me ride without a ticket.
14:30 Arrive at Penn Station and took a camera lens in for repair nearby.
15:15 Arrive at Work

Ugh, you people don't use 24-hour time?

Theatre Gods


When Liz and I saw Waiting for Godot and No Man's Land, we didn't stay after the show to get our Playbill's signed. So we waited for the weather to get really cold, then went back to the theatre so we could experience the sidewalk without having to be distracted by feeling in our extremities.


We waited for probably about an hour before Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, and Orlando Bloom came out the door (Orlando wasn't in the play, he was just visiting Gandalf). Ian went and talked with his driver while smoking a cigarette before coming over to sign autographs. I got to have a brief conversation with both Ian and Patrick which went something like this:

Ian: What did you think of the performance?
Me: [realizing I didn't actually see the play tonight, but would be awkward to say so] It was fantastic. I'm really happy you guys decided to perform these in the US instead of just London.
Ian: ... there are people in New York who appreciate theatre too, I suppose.
Me: ... yeah.
Another Fan: Thank you for all you’ve done and your support for the gay rights movement.
Ian: ... [long pause and blank stare] ... alright.

Me: Seeing you on stage is so different from seeing you on TV or film...
Patrick: Why would that be?
Me: You just have an amazing presence on stage.
Patrick: Of course, we're there... we're there.

No seriously, you need to imagine Patrick Stewart  just cutting you off and, in that amazing commanding voice, essentially saying "look Star Trek fan, you need to get out more," because I think that's what happened. But anyway, here's what Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, and Billy Crudup's autographs look like:


The End


I hope you made the observation that this post wasn't really a list of complaints, but more a list of accomplishments or an observation that there are many things I get to do out here... and also a list of complaints. Sarah said I kind of want to kill you right now when I texted her the image of the signed Playbill. So perhaps it's all worth it in the end. Don't click on that link. It won't make you happy.

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